


Beard The Lion In His Lair

by krikkiter68



Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Bearded! Malcolm, Dangerous Bet, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:11:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6366151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krikkiter68/pseuds/krikkiter68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Glenn dares Ollie to do something foolish and dangerous...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Malcolm stood and leaned forward menacingly on his desk, his untrimmed eyebrows knitting in fury. His eyes blazed green fire. His profuse, fluffy hair and beard, far from softening his features, made him look like a handsome, enraged fairytale ogre.

"Don't bullshit me, son," he snarled as Ollie gulped in terror, "I know why ye're here. I know what ye came in for. An' ye're dying tae do it, aren't ye?"

Ollie ran a finger under his collar, where he'd started to perspire freely. Oh Christ, he thought, what had he let himself in for?

One hour earlier

"You want me to do what?!" Ollie spluttered. "Glenn, have you actually cracked? He'll kill me!"

"You heard me the first time," Glenn said in a satisfied tone. "There's a pint in it for you if you do it."

Ollie groaned, and placed his head in his hands. There was no way he could back down now.

It had all started a week ago, when Malcolm came back from a short break sporting long, iron-grey curls and an impressive full beard, and no one, but no one, dared ask why. They all talked about him, and Ben Swain referred to him as "Gandalf" when he was out of earshot, but one glance from the man himself was enough to send then scuttling for cover.

"You're looking quite green," Terri said later, as she passed Ollie's desk, "are you feeling all right?"

"Um...yeah, thanks Terri," Ollie mumbled, "bit of a difficult meeting coming up, that's all."

"He's off to weave some magic with Catweazle," Glenn said, looking happier than he'd been in years.

"Ah, I see," Terri said, smiling, and walked off

"Catweazle? Who the fuck's Catweazle?" Ollie said, brow furrowed.

"Doesn't matter. Oh look, there he is," Glenn said, his voice dropping to a whisper as Malcolm, shaggy-haired and straight-backed, stalked towards his office. Ollie stood up on shaking legs and followed him.


	2. Chapter 2

"I - I don't know what you mean, Malcolm," Ollie said, wondering if he could just bolt for the door.

"Like hell ye don't. "Come in to discuss a policy idea," my fuckin' arse. Ye want," Malcolm said, his voice a demonic rumble, "tae stroke it. Don't ye?!"

"S - stroke what?" Ollie whimpered.

There was a pause. Oh fuck, Ollie thought, is he actually telepathic?

"Mae beard, of course, what the fuck did ya think I meant? Come on," Malcolm said, jutting out his chin, "knock yerself out."

Ollie stood and inched forward, extending a hand, half-expecting Malcolm to bite his arm off at the elbow. Very gently, he started stroking Malcolm's lush salt-and-pepper beard. Full and surprisingly soft, he could almost run his fingers through it. Malcolm's skin was warm beneath his touch, the hair silky, and Ollie's cheeks flushed as he bit back a murmur of pleasure. Glancing up, he could see Malcolm's eyes were closed, his mouth fallen slightly open. Oh God, Ollie thought, his skin prickling, he's enjoying this too...

Very hesitantly, Ollie withdrew his hand. Malcolm's eyes flicked open.

"Was that what ye wanted?"

"Um, yes. T - thank you, Malcolm."

"Fine. Fuck off, I've got work tae do."

Ollie fled.

 

The next day

"I still don't believe you," Glenn said.

"I'm telling you, I did it!"

Glenn contemplated for a second.

"No," he said. "Not without a photograph. You didn't film it on your mobile, did you?"

"It was hardly the time or place," Ollie pleaded, in a whisper, "but I fucking well did do it, Glenn! I did! I got hold of his chin," he hissed, his fingers cupping and stroking in mid-air, "and I stroked Malcolm Tucker's huge bloody beard..."

He noticed the terrified look on Glenn's face, and looked up. Malcolm, once again clean-shaven and crop-haired, loomed over him.

"Hello, Malcolm," Ollie said, faintly, his heart pounding.

"Still want tae discuss that policy issue?" Malcolm intoned.

"N - no."

"Good lad," Malcolm said.

He bent down, and Ollie's eyes widened as Malcolm kissed him, hard and fast, tongue ravishing his mouth. Then Malcolm straightened up again and stalked off as if nothing had happened.

"Well, that's been a long time coming," Terri said in the stunned silence that followed.

"Bloody hell," Glenn said. "I think that deserves a pint all by itself. One after work?"

Ollie grinned. His day was really looking up.

"You're on, Glenn."

The End


End file.
